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Old 07-21-2012, 08:03 PM   #1
Sunny
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Default Don't You Think This Is Ridiculous

I think this is just so ridiculous, I can't believe the guy is an adult. It really ticks me off.

A co-worker of DH's (mid to late 50s) trolls around FB monitoring the walls of people he knows, well he has decided to monitor my kids FB pages, all are adults. I don't know how often he does this, but I know several times a week he tells DH what is posted on the kids pages, stuff like new relationships, friendships, plans they've made, comments to others etc. he tries to show DH photos they've posted. Theres nothing on FB that merits reporting, but it really pisses me off that he feels its his business to 'rat them out' as he calls it. Theres nothing to rat out. He tells DH when one of them posts a curse word. The kids are grown for goodness sakes & I don't think its his concern.

I've told DH to tell him so, but he won't say anything to the guy because he says the co-worker is just 'looking out' for them, hes just trying to be nice. NO! he just being incredibly nosey in my opinion. I can't say anything to him because that will cause friction for DH at work. Some people really have nerve. This guy really needs to monitor his own grown kids that cause him a lot of grief, not my kids who are of no concern to him. What are your thoughts?
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Old 07-21-2012, 08:04 PM   #2
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There is no way he can "monitor" them unless they have friended him, or they have their walls open to absolutely everyone in which case they need to fix their privacy settings.
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Old 07-21-2012, 08:06 PM   #3
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Your kids need to make their pages private,he can't see them if they do.
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Old 07-21-2012, 08:07 PM   #4
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I agree that it's up to your kids to make their pages as private as they can.
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Old 07-21-2012, 08:08 PM   #5
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Their walls are open to everyone & I have asked them to fix that. One of the kids doesn't feel he should have to change anything because he isn't doing anything wrong & hes not going to have someone else like this guy tell him how to use FB. I understand his feelings but it would be so much easier if he changed his settings.

You can monitor others FB pages without being a friend if they have their privacy setting set to 'Friends of Friends'.
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Old 07-21-2012, 08:11 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nancy in ME View Post
There is no way he can "monitor" them unless they have friended him, or they have their walls open to absolutely everyone in which case they need to fix their privacy settings.
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I agree that it's up to your kids to make their pages as private as they can.
Your kids have decided to allow everyone in the world see their info. Since they are adults, that is their choice. There are likely other, more creepy, people watching and monitoring them.

If your kids dont want strangers to stalk them, they can change their privacy settings. Simple.
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Old 07-21-2012, 08:11 PM   #7
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Again, it's up to your kids to make their own changes. If they have things set to allow whomever to view their pages, they are subject to this type of viewing by those who do what this man is doing. Sounds like he needs a life and in the mean time he's going to make other people's business his own.

I'd tell my kids what's going on and suggest they either make things private or give the guy something really good to talk about. Perhaps a few posts like "I know what you're looking at." or "Hey! Yeah, you! The creep who works with my dad. Stop reading what I'm doing and then telling my dad what you saw!"
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Old 07-21-2012, 08:19 PM   #8
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I like your idea Maripan. I've talked to them about this, but they're adults & have to make their own decisions. I would prefer they set everything to private, but not much I can do.

Yes this dude needs to 'get his own life', but I think the problem is that he is so boring no one talks to him so he uses FB to try to be popular, but it really isn't working for him.

Hes a creeper.
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Old 07-21-2012, 08:23 PM   #9
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I like your idea Maripan. I've talked to them about this, but they're adults & have to make their own decisions. I would prefer they set everything to private, but not much I can do.

Yes this dude needs to 'get his own life', but I think the problem is that he is so boring no one talks to him so he uses FB to try to be popular, but it really isn't working for him.

Hes a creeper.
There ya go in a nutshell.
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Old 07-21-2012, 08:42 PM   #10
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Sunny, If you're really lucky, the guy will drop dead, of boredom. No sense worrying about it. No one else seems to be worrying. When they do start to worry, it's up to them, to handle.
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Old 07-21-2012, 08:58 PM   #11
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The kids are grown for goodness sakes & I don't think its his concern. What are your thoughts?
What this guy does is not your concern.
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Old 07-21-2012, 09:05 PM   #12
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If you know what the guy is doing because your husband is telling you, ask your DH not to mention it to you any more.

What you don't know can't get you worked up....I hope.
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Old 07-21-2012, 09:23 PM   #13
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I really don't care what this guy does but he is monitoring my adult kids & reporting back to my DH, making a BIG deal out of nothing, but in the process hes getting my DH stressed out about it because the guy is making a big deal out of nothing. I'm concerned about DH's health because he is suppose to avoid stress otherwise I couldn't care less what this dude does.
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Old 07-21-2012, 09:25 PM   #14
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Well,your dh needs to tell the guy to knock it off...only your dh can do that.
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Old 07-21-2012, 09:30 PM   #15
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DH is just too nice to say anything.
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Old 07-21-2012, 10:15 PM   #16
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I don't understand why anyone would leave their wall open for the world to see.
They can either change their privacy settings or they can block this guy.
I would not taunt him - he's a weirdo.
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Old 07-21-2012, 11:23 PM   #17
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Can't your DH just say "yeah, I know, I read them too."
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Old 07-22-2012, 09:47 AM   #18
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No matter what comment Dh gives "Really" or " I saw that already" Then this guy wants to have a conversation about it. I told DH to start asking questions & talking about what this guys kids are up to maybe that would shut him up. He tells co-workers whatever he sees on FB. What an idiot. The part that gets me is he knows DH isn't suppose to get stressed. The guy reads a comment someone has made & turns it into something it isn't.

Example of something totally out of context:

A friend of DS's posted that him & his GF were looking for a bigger apartment or house to rent before the baby comes.

DH's co-workers interpretation of the comment:

Hey Sunny, Jr. got a girl pregnant & they're going to move in with you & Mrs. Sunny because they don't have any money to rent a place of their own, You letting them move in?

This is the kind of stuff he does all the time. Sometimes the stuff he says gets my DH upset & I have to remind him that the guy is a trouble maker. Some people are just flamin idiots!
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Old 07-22-2012, 10:13 AM   #19
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Your husband needs to GROW UP TODAY and tell the guy to drop dead. Sorry to sound rude, but facts are facts. This guy sounds like he's got a screw loose and he has to know he's irritating your husband. Nobody is going to stop him from acting like an idiot unless your husband does it. All your husband has to do is tell him he's heard enough and that he's quite capable of reading what his kids are doing himself. He doesn't need this guy telling him. If your husband doesn't have the you-know-whats to tell him, maybe you need to email this lout yourself or call him on the phone and ask him what's his strange obsession with your family. Ask him if maybe he should see a psychiatrist or someone because someone who's so obsessed with people sounds like he could use some counseling.

Shoot, forward all this to him. All he can do is gripe at your husband and apparently your husband isn't going to say anything to him anyway. Doesn't your husband have a problem with this guy invading your family's privacy (I know, it's not really privacy) and having to run his mouth about it?

You gripe about it.

Your husband won't do anything about it.

I suggest you tell your husband that you don't want to hear what he has to say about it.

You could tell your kids to start making comments to this guy since they know he's looking at their site. Give them his name and let them take a few slams at him and tell everybody who'se watching that he's a peeping tom.
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Old 07-22-2012, 11:18 AM   #20
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Sounds like one of those guys who likes to push buttons and he is doing a spendid job. If it wasn't over that it would somethign else.
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Old 07-22-2012, 11:39 AM   #21
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I would check with someone about stalking laws. That's what he is doing. I think there is a way to block just him from their pages. They could contact Facebook about that.

I had a problem with a cousin of my grandaughter's. He's from her mother's side and that is a crazy bunch and they have the paperwork to prove it. Anyway, he was monitoring her page and making smart azz remarks, way too protective for a cousin and way out of line IMO. I kept reporting his posts and he stopped. From what I can find out he is a lot like the guy you talked about. No real friends or life, lies about what he has and how much money he makes. Yea, a 16 year old who makes $30 an hour. He works for his dad and thinks he can get away with stuff like that.
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Old 07-22-2012, 11:50 AM   #22
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what's rediculous is you and your DH stressing out about this.

Your kids have put themselves in this situation. By not addressing their facebook privacy, their lives are open books to anyone who wants to read their page.

I'd ignore the situation, and so should your DH. Honestly, it amounts to nothing. It's not stalking if you are standing on the streetcorner, telling your business.
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Old 07-22-2012, 11:52 AM   #23
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He's not stalking.

He's reading something that's posted for all the world to see.

The root of the problem lies with adult children that blab their business all over the Internet.
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Old 07-22-2012, 12:24 PM   #24
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I've done some more thinking about this and I think it could be fun.

If it's common knowledge where this guy lives, they could periodically post photos of the guy's house for no reason with no comments on the photos.

Since the guy really isn't doing anything wrong, I'd do something in return that also isn't really wrong.
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Old 07-22-2012, 10:44 PM   #25
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Yer something of an evil person.

Kind of like me.
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Old 07-23-2012, 10:05 AM   #26
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Yes - there is a way to block him from his seeing their posts.
Go to the little arrow at the top right of "Home"
Click on "Privacy Settings"
Then click on "Friends"
or - to just get rid of him scroll down the page and click on "Manage Blocking" and enter his name.
Easy Peasy. But - they have to want to do this.
If they do not want to do this, there is nothing you can do about it.
Your complaint is not with him - you are not going to change him - your complaint is with your children. If they don't block him you will continue to get reports from the weirdo.
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Old 07-23-2012, 12:05 PM   #27
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Your husband needs to GROW UP TODAY and tell the guy to drop dead. Sorry to sound rude, but facts are facts. This guy sounds like he's got a screw loose and he has to know he's irritating your husband. Nobody is going to stop him from acting like an idiot unless your husband does it. All your husband has to do is tell him he's heard enough and that he's quite capable of reading what his kids are doing himself. He doesn't need this guy telling him. If your husband doesn't have the you-know-whats to tell him, maybe you need to email this lout yourself or call him on the phone and ask him what's his strange obsession with your family. Ask him if maybe he should see a psychiatrist or someone because someone who's so obsessed with people sounds like he could use some counseling.

Shoot, forward all this to him. All he can do is gripe at your husband and apparently your husband isn't going to say anything to him anyway. Doesn't your husband have a problem with this guy invading your family's privacy (I know, it's not really privacy) and having to run his mouth about it?

You gripe about it.

Your husband won't do anything about it.

I suggest you tell your husband that you don't want to hear what he has to say about it.

You could tell your kids to start making comments to this guy since they know he's looking at their site. Give them his name and let them take a few slams at him and tell everybody who'se watching that he's a peeping tom.

BINGO!! I couldn't have said it better!
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Old 07-23-2012, 12:15 PM   #28
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Considering some of the information you have shared about people in your neighborhood and the interactions you and your children have had, I would think you would all have your pages locked up tight.
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Old 07-23-2012, 12:23 PM   #29
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I mean this metaphorically, but if you live near people who like to peer in your windows from across the street, you really only have two choices and that is to draw your blinds or approach them directly and tell them you want them to stop. A third protective option, since you're not going to catch them in action every time and you might not want to live with your blinds drawn, is to make sure you're not doing anything too private in front of the windows.

Same thing, really. Since it's your grown adult kids, and your grown adult husband, I feel like you're looking for an answer in a situation you really have no control over. No one is doing anything that surprising or wrong, really. Facebook is the behemouth it is because people like to nose around on other people's accounts, that's kind of the start of the whole thing really. They can block him by following the privacy advice given, or you or your husband can ask him to be less intrusive.

If you're on FB, why don't you post on your kids wall to give him a hint? Or they can? But really, they can just change their settings, that's the easiest thing to do.
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Old 07-23-2012, 02:53 PM   #30
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Sunny, I don't usually comment on posts like this and I hope you don't take this wrong. I, too, think the easiest thing to do would be for all of your family to block this man and his family and that should end all the problems. Do your adult children not know that their dad is not supposed to have all this stress?
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Old 07-23-2012, 03:06 PM   #31
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There is no way he can "monitor" them unless they have friended him, or they have their walls open to absolutely everyone in which case they need to fix their privacy settings.


Absolutely true!! Why is he on the kids friend list? They are responsible for who they friend. Talk to them and not him. Like Nancy said, their pages are controlled by them alone on their privacy settings.
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Old 07-23-2012, 03:09 PM   #32
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Absolutely true!! Why is he on the kids friend list? They are responsible for who they friend. Talk to them and not him. Like Nancy said, their pages are controlled by them alone on their privacy settings.
He's not their friend

Their walls are open to everyone & I have asked them to fix that. One of the kids doesn't feel he should have to change anything because he isn't doing anything wrong & hes not going to have someone else like this guy tell him how to use FB. I understand his feelings but it would be so much easier if he changed his settings.
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Old 07-23-2012, 03:13 PM   #33
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Ok, got it. Not much you can do or say then. It's on the kids and not the guy.
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